Life is quite funny, if you know to look from the side and laugh. Life is also quite serious, and sometimes painful. Life is something extremely complex. Exactly four years ago I went through surgery to remove my thyroid due to Cancer. Ever since my illness, my life has changed forever. It is a bit difficult to explain how our physiology affects our psychology, but it does. Our bodies are very influential – this is what I believe. Life brings us to places and conclusions, sometimes, that we could not even imagine if we looked from the heights of our twenties.
This year I celebrated fifty. I do not take for granted my life. I appreciate every moment and every day, appreciate my beloved family and friends who support me when I am in need and celebrate with me in happy times. I think that in recent years I am much more complete with who I am, happy with the changes I made in my life in recent years.
What happened and why? What causes trauma to change our perception of the world and to change who we are? It seems to me that one of the reasons for this is the realization that we are only living on earth on borrowed time, and should never take our lives for granted, but keep the good, and if needed let the bad go. Move forward. (Some say that we should do this, since we are not trees – not glued to the ground.) Move. If necessary, make changes.
The present is the right time to transform what needs to be changed. After all who knows what life will bring tomorrow?
The changes I made in my life were not easy at all; they took a great toll of pain and tears. First we went back to live in the United States (after the disappointment and pain experienced in the Israel, my homeland). It does not mean I will ever could stop missing Israel; it’s not that I’m not divided between both lands. I learned to live with the constant yearning in my stomach, and I have realized, I still am divided and probably always will be, but I needed to teach myself how to live with in completion. After all, the lawn of neighbor was no greener than ours, and living in Israel did not let me feel like I belonged, or that it was the right place for our family. We did not fit in. I decided it is ok to live with this dividedness, and it is fine to live where my family finds happiness.
I learned that having a peaceful and calm life is a gift some people cannot afford; I am thankful for my peaceful life; I just cannot live in a roller-coaster, crazy life any more.
Another change was a separation from some people – some of them very close to me. I said goodbye to some of them emotionally, and some of them are not a part of my life anymore. I just do not let people hurt me anymore.
The change that occurred within me was not easy, but necessary for me to live a sane life. I make sure to have supportive, loving, positive people around me. I am surrounded by people I love; that makes me feel good about myself.
Another change is not only giving to immediate family and friends. I also believe in giving to the wider community in which I live by volunteering and taking a leadership role. The children do not need me at any hour of the day, and I can give my time to our wider community, also helping support Israel. In general I am a big believer in “good brings good and giving for giving”. I’m surrounded by people with similar beliefs, to my great joy.
There are a lot of things that we were never told about life, and that’s fine. No one has the axioms of what is right and what is wrong. We are all searching for the right path in life that is just right for us. The road is important: to experience the beauty of what we have, put aside what is not beautiful and good, and move on.
Let goodness accompany you in every way you go.